I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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