Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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