im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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