I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
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you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
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It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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