i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
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We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
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Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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