Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just sent this text using only my big toe
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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