I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
