a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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