So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
either way he was missing a nipple.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
