I hope mine doesn't look like that
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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