moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
