He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
