Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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