cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
