i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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