I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
