im holly from the hills drunk
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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