Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
