I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
