38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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