So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
