That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
