Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
