I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
