Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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