My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
