Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
