we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
