Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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