i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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