ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
