Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
