Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
