Can i not drive my cunt home
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
