My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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