Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
