I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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