I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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