You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
