I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
