he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
