you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
