I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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