Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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