We won't sleep together?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Randomize
