this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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