I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Vodka?
Forever.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
