Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
