u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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