There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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