I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
