There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
