my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
