who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
