never play flip cup with pint glasses
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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