I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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