I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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