Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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