So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
