New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
