this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
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It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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