so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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