She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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