super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
