Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
