Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
sarcasm needs its own font
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
