Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
