That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
