I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
