She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
