Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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