fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
