"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
