So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
