I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
