no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
