please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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