She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
