My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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