Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
