I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
