I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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