if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
